10 scars i can't heal

" She didn't know who would leave or stay so instead she pushed them all away"- unknown. 


1. I looked at the infinite train rails and laughed when I remembered what you just said: "Come on, beautiful! Don't look at me like this: as if we would never see eachother again" I tried to smile but couldn't. And our good bye kiss tasted as the last bitter time I would touch your lips. The train rails were infinite... we weren't anymore, though.
2. Each time I pass by that street can't help but staring at our bench for a while. That day you promised me that you were not leaving and that you'll stay for ever. Since that, I stopped promising and started loving the smoke that incense leaves when it burns. It looks like your words. All lies.
3. The night you finally said goodbye something inside me broke (still searching those pieces). A poor single message: "Goodbye, then". I realized I needed more air and opened the window. Enormous tears fell down my face and the Moon wasn't there to dry them. Even the stars remind me of his eyes. Damn, I f*cking loved you. But you didn't care anymore.
4. There's not a single time that I don't wish we accidentally met at that train station again. You know I took the train each day, but you didn't mind, uh.
5. I can't go through your street without staring at the door: It would be very easy... I just will ring the bell and I will see your beautiful brown eyes again, before I run away from you.
6. Do you look at her the way you used to look at me? I'm sure she doesn't know that sometimes you seem angry and rude but you're just upset. She doesn't know that if she waits enough maybe someday you'll tell her why, maybe you won't. She won't understand that some days you shine and light up the hole damn sky and others you fall down and prefer to be alone.
7. I still feel like falling apart when at night, I realize that the next day I won't be saying good morning to you. Still search for you when I'm drunk, like if you could appear in those crowded places and kiss me again.
8. I am not capable of breaking the letter I wrote to you. You're never going to read it, are you.
9. Now I see how you played with my heart as you did with my curls around your fingers. I knew it was not okay, but, I loved you too much.
10. Two years have almost passed since I last heard "I love you" from your mouth. Too many days since I last smell your clothes in a long warm hug. It's okay if you decide to come one day and say sorry. I don't care if it's tonight or 10 years from now. Just come.

Did you ever love me? 

at some point, I guess. 

But you always loved you more.

OCT. 2015